Food Rule #8: Stay In Control

“What is the yellow stuff under the fish?” the patron asked.

“An asparagus and saffron risotto or what I call high class mac n’ cheese if you like,” I replied.

“It’s really good, thanks for doing this for us,” said Lena the waiter, aka the patron, aka my employee.

I’m glad she enjoyed it. This is my chicken shit for the soul ya might say. In my current world of the hamburger stand (aka the restaurant that employees me), there are times when I like to teach, as I have mentioned previously, and this one came about because of a challenge to me from my boss.

As Bob handed me the saffron and black truffle oil he said, “I have had other managers cook for me, why don’t you cook with this?” Since Bob “the big dego” and I talk about Italian food a lot, I had become hungry for some risotto. I love it because, like its brother starch in the Italian pasta arsenal, it becomes something so satisfying for so little money. Just a little bit of time and knowledge on the cook's part pays great dividends. Like soup, risotto is a great barometer of a chef’s attention to detail.

The cooking process lends itself to sexual innuendo and puns as well. In a past kitchen it was said that if you made a glue-like risotto, you must have stirred it with your dick. I think this came from the lesbian cook who was of the opinion that a guy’s dick never stays in long enough to satisfy a woman, so why mess with it. I concurred saying something like, “whether it’s real, a strap-on, or powered by Duracell, it is always a complex relationship with whoever owns the dick.” She then turned to me and said something about vibrators and the Energizer bunny, at which point I turned, raised my hands, and cried uncle. She is still a great cook practicing her craft to this day. Onward.

When you take the foofery out of making this classic dish from the Poe valley of Italy, you can make the whole experience much more enjoyable. The first time I saw it made with passion was in a video of Lidia Bastianich making a wild mushroom risotto -- high quality rice correctly toasted, lovingly stirred with hot stock, great fresh wild mushrooms, and plenty of parmesan (or it might have been Grana Padano) and served immediately. These are the basic steps which are followed in making a saffron asparagus risotto. I found it ideal to have me cook the risotto and my friend cook the halibut, but if you want to be chef stud muffin then do both. So let’s do it.

1. Put your first sauce pot on with 1 gallon of water brought to a simmer with 1 large bay leaf and eight smashed cloves of garlic and 1 T kosher salt. (you will add more salt as you go, so don’t worry.) Have an 8 ounce ladle handy.
2. In a second pan, bring 2 quarts of water and 1 T salt to a simmer so when you are ready to blanch the asparagus you are set up. Cut the asparagus into one inch pieces. Have a sieve or slotted spoon ready. You could also pop the cut asparagus in the microwave for 30 seconds to cook if you want. (I tend to do this at home.)
3. Have a sauté pan ready to sear the halibut, and preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Keep the skin on the halibut filet because it will keep it moist when you finish it in the oven and will aid in removal should the filet stick when it comes out of the oven.
4. Place a small pan on low heat. Place a cup of half and half, a stick of butter, 1 t salt, and a pinch of saffron (about 15 threads) and give it time to steep (do not boil, you will kill the saffron!). When the stock starts to bubble proceed with step two. In the meantime, choose some music and a glass of wine.
5. Put ¼ cup of olive oil in a second pan over medium heat. Add two cups of Cannaroli rice if you can find it, or Arborio. Stir evenly and constantly with a slow rhythm like Charlie Watts (slave on the tattoo you disc comes to mind) until you can start to smell the toastinessl it should be about five minutes. Put your sauté pan for the halibut on medium high heat with 4 T olive oil or rice bran oil.
6. Add the stock one ladle at a time and add another when the previous one is absorbed by the rice. After 'bout 8 ladles, pull it off the heat and give it six or seven turns with the pepper grinder. This is when you season the halibut in the pan skin side up. Sear for four minutes.
7. Put the risotto back on the heat and continue through ladle 14. Stir the saffron occasionally to aid the steeping. By now it should be bright yellow. The rice should have released much of the starch and the mix should seam pretty “creamy” at this point, but the rice should still have a strong bite to it. Take half of the rice out of the pan and place in the baking pan to cool -- this is for a later meal (i.e.: risotto cakes or another risotto).
8. Now add your saffron mix, asparagus, and stir in until the cream is absorbed. Check doneness; the rice should have just a bit of bite left (not mushy). Check for salt and see if it needs more and season to your taste.
9. Serve in a bowl plate if you have it with some chopped parsley, place the halibut on top and drizzle fish LIGHTLY with truffle oil (I mean drops). Turn off all of your burners and sit down and eat! I did one with a sprinkling of Reggiano and I liked that too.

I didn’t use chicken stock because I didn’t want the flavor in the dish. I just wanted the flavor and aromatics of the garlic and bay leaf. As you see this is a great dish to talk about building flavors. You just managed three or four pans and I hope the house didn’t burn down. One other important lesson to learn in cookery is to know when you can pause.

There are times when preparing a great meal can feel like you’re on a runaway freight train. I try not to forget that the meal your about to share is about sharing the table, time, and company. In this risotto situation when you get to step six you can take a break. If one was to be interrupted by a loving soul who so loved the smells you are creating and you decided you wanted to feast on that person, then feast after step six. If you're already satisfied before you sit down to the table, then what the hell are you waiting for?

Food Rule 7: Quality ingredients, antioxidants, the less process the better.

Let it be said that fresh, seasonal ingredients are always the best place to start. We know this. But what about all the hoopla surrounding antioxidants? There are two things that seem to sum up the current situation. First, there are a lot of reports saying all kinds of things that make great marketing for people who make pills. Second, after much research I have confirmed that mayonnaise is not included on the current list of things you should increase your consumption of. But what if I made a pomegranate and fresh salmon oil mayonnaise? Hmmm, that could actually work. But I find that searching these things out and trying them keeps food interesting. Some of them I have incorporated into my house cuisine -- and some of them are disgusting.

Flax seed, pomegranate, turmeric, annatto seed, berries of many types, and hemp seed are a few items that make it on the table. Yes, hemp, ganja seed, tropical cola bud crunchies, or whatever else you want to call pot seed salad. But a lot of these things take some getting used to. Fish oil capsules make me belch something awful, so they went out the window. The dog won’t even eat them. But here we start with turmeric and annatto Seed. This is how I am dealing with the fall elections.

As the sewage infested bilge of politicking continues to rise I find the need for antioxidants and ways to settle my stomach to be of utmost importance. By chance I have in my collection of tasty treats turmeric and annatto seed (or achiote if you like) that by all things I have read fill the bill. If I could, I would buy stock in Pepto-Bismol but unfortunately it is part of a larger company whose politics I don’t have the time to understand. I also confirmed that pink is not one of the five colors that should be on your plate, as recommended by the FDA and the DNC.  So off we go.

To begin with, it is good to understand that both of these items are used for coloring things, so you have to work with them carefully. Annatto seed is used to color cheddar cheese and for face paints among the natives in the Amazon jungle. Turmeric is used to die yarns among other things, and its cousins cardamom and ginger work well with it (i.e.: curries).  Suffice it to say that I wouldn’t wear your best duds when cooking with these or any other brightly colored ingredients. The other thing to remember is neither of these spices do well with light so store them in dark areas and buy them as needed so they are fresh as possible. When you Google either of these spices you’ll find a litany of benefits reported from their consumption. I am not betting the farm on it, but it can’t hurt.

The taste profile of both spices is earthy, perfumed when toasted and ground, and frankly a bit foreign. As a simple starter I combined each of them with a basic chili powder in a ratio of three parts chili powder to one part turmeric OR annatto seed powder. I then use either mixture to heavily season beef steak, bison steaks, lamb t-bone chop, or my ever-present Morningstar vegetable patty (think falafel) from the freezer. I sauté the centerpiece of my plate in olive oil over medium heat and turn them after about five minutes. For fun with the turmeric blend I substituted a raw palm oil that I found at the granola store (which has been sitting in my fridge for six months waiting to find a use) and that took me in all new kinds of directions. The palm oil itself is also a bright orange/yellow and loves to stain things, so I sauté all items mentioned and what is technically a sauce pot to help limit the splatter. If you don’t own a splatter screen, I would highly suggest buying one.

The aforementioned tamarind sauce was a great counterpart to the steak or lamb, especially using the palm oil. A quality Major Grey's chutney or other fruit sauce works well too. For the vegetable patty, I've come to love sundried tomatoes (packed in olive oil) and goat cheese as a topping or a yogurt sauce. Simply place the strained sundried tomatoes and goat cheese on the patty after you flip side one and they warm up just fine.

Now, forgive me for a moment, but I must digress. Who the hell is Major Grey anyway? Well, the Major Grey’s chutney you find at the store is named for somebody who is a myth. The brand goes back to the early 1800s, bought by some guys named Cross and Blackwell, sold to Nestle, and then sold to J.M. Smucker and somebody else. Chutneys are generally savory jams that on a good day still have the flavor of the original fruit and are served as a condiment with many Indian meals, a ketchup of sorts. Try a couple or take some mental notes at an Indian restaurant when you arrive or at an awkward pause in the conversation.

Try the annatto rub  on a piece of pork butt for family taco night - a little crock pot cookery for you:

• 4# pork butt, salted liberally
  
• 3/4 cup annatto rub (1/4 cup annatto powder and 1/2 cup chili powder)
  
• 1 medium onion, chopped
  
• 10 cloves of garlic, smashed
  
• 1 quart low sodium chicken stock
  
• Water to cover
  

Place ingredients in a crock pot and let it cook all day on low. When you come home, bring your taco bar fixins and have at it. A good squeeze of lime on the meat when making the taco is always good. The leftovers make great breakfast burritos. Add a couple of chipotle peppers if you want some smoke flavor.

We will see how the whole antioxidant food thing turns out. But I have found many great ingredients to add to my house cuisine during my continuing search. I know I feel better ... I think.

Food Rule 6: Know your masters, or “The Cruel Tutelage of Yuet Lee”

House Cuisine is about simple, satisfying meals at your fingertips. I find satisfaction in some of the greatest food memories and they bring balance to my constitution. So I decided to go on a little trip to visit some of the masters of cuisine that taught me. My greatest sources of knowledge have come from a number of places: the four star restaurant, the barbecue joint, the vineyard, various TV shows, a little grill on the beach in Morocco, cooking for my nieces and nephews. One's experiences in life are what provide their soul in their kitchen.

Just remember to always check the weather before you go on a trip.

It was the middle of July and as expected I am chilled to the bone, and since I am in the northern hemisphere I must be in San Francisco. Here I sit, and through the chill cuts the wafting steam and smells of wonton soup topped with slices of roast duck and steamed clams in black bean sauce. Complementing these heartwarming sensory instruments are an orchestra of neon green walls and the dingy tanks filled with sea bass, lobster, and Dungeness crab. As the delivery man passes by with a dolly full of fresh egg noodles, I know I am back at Yuet Lee's in Chinatown. This little restaurant is where my sensibilities about Asian cuisines were formed.

The hint of roasted duck in the simple wonton broth is just about as good as it gets. It is obvious this stock is fresh with the flavor of pork and chicken bones and finished with a touch green onion to liven it up. The stacked wontons let the duck sit just under the surface and turn this plastic bowl of soup into a meal. Filled with ground pork and whole baby shrimp they are moist and lightly seasoned and are just the right tenderness when bitten. Something that seems excessively important today since the throbbing in my mouth tells me of a root canal coming on.

I wonder if the Green Door massage parlor up the street does root canals. Giving a new meaning to “painless dental care,”  I would subtly rename the place Happy Ending Dental. Double entendre is always a good selling point to the younger well-heeled class, or Eliot Spitzer.

The clams with a sauce kissed with fermented black bean and fresh jalapeno are a great second course. Three things smack into my face about this dish. First, even with the medium-weight sauce you can taste the sea when you bite into the clams. Second, the jalapenos add more pepper flavors as opposed to heat. Third, when you don’t put the dish on top of the rice and eat them together you really miss the balance of flavor.

By the way, the Kill Bill reference in the title of the piece refers more to tutelage and less to cruel. If you think it is more appropriate to reverse the emphasis, please pre-pay your bill at the shrink or house of dominatrix.

One family of white folks comes in and asks if they can bring their dog.

Gay Mexican crowd comes in and asks if they serve family-style. The befuddled look in the older Chinese woman’s eyes as she stares and the young man and tries to understand his effeminate voice is bringing me to laughter. This sweet but no-nonsense woman simply does not understand what he is asking for and they leave in a huff. Here it is better to not ask a lot of questions. Just order a bunch of stuff and eat whatever way you want.  

Chef comes out and talks to one of his regulars about how stupid some people are.

No matter what culture you’re in, the chef seems to have a strong personality.

As I sit here the wonton filling is set out on the table next to me and you see the ratio of pork to shrimp and the consistency of the grind. It has been put through a food processor instead of a meat grinder. This is why you don’t get that granular texture or meatball effect in the wonton.

Doing some of the prep in the dining room during off hours has been a common experience for me in Asian restaurants. Just the hand work like picking basil, making wontons, trimming vegetables, etc. are commonly done by service staff. From the ergonomic point of view it only makes sense. Having servers do it is great in terms of utilizing the human resource. From OSHA’s point of view it is a class-action lawsuit and the health department would probably close you down.

Given the limited amount of space I learn that the duck was roasted at another restaurant. This only makes sense since you have such limited space in any given restaurant you need to outsource some things to people that have that equipment. On my way over I passed at least 10 places with roast duck, lacquered duck, gorgeous spare ribs, so there is plenty of talent available to outsource to.

In the end, I taste as much as I can and make notes so when I am making things at home I have taste and consistency references to guide my adventures. As for the tutelage of Yuet Lee, there is an old proverb that holds well for food as well as life: “Order what you want, eat what you get, and swoon over the joy that it brings you.”

Healthier Homemade Tamarind Sauce

As a great fan of Moo Shoo Pork and hoisin sauce, I had a sad turn of events recently. As part of my personal program to make the most out of each calorie I take in, I started taking a serious look at the labels in the multi-cultural food store I frequent. Sugar and salt are the big things that Asian bottled sauces rely on and are my focus to reduce. Two of my favorite sauces, the aforementioned hoisin, and Sweet Thai Chili Sauce, are much like ketchup in that they are loaded with sugar. Sad but true, and I won’t let a sauce take away from my allotment of cookies later.

Recipe for Tamarind Sauce

1T Canola or Peanut Oil, your choice
12 ea Garlic Cloves, Chopped
1 ea Jalapeno, chopped with seeds
1 pound Tamarind cake
½ t Anise powder
½ ea Orange, peel and pulp chopped (see option below)
Water to cover generously. About 1 gallon.
2/3 C Low sodium soy sauce
1/2 C Agave Nectar. Or 1 pound brown sugar.

Equipment:
A very strong china cap or colander or food mill, pot, spatula, 4 quart storage container.

Method:
Produces 2 quarts

1. Over medium heat, sweat the garlic and jalapeno in oil.
2. When the garlic starts to turn color add the anise, tamarind cake, and water, and simmer for 30 minutes. Break up the cake as it loosens. The more thoroughly the fruit is cooked away from the pulp, the better your sauce will be and the straining process will be easier. At this point you should have 1¾ quarts of liquid to strain. Add the chopped orange during the last five minutes of simmer.
3. Turn off the heat and pour through the china cap or colander or food mill if you have one, and push all the juice though. If your volume is 1-2/3 quarts after straining the tamarind will be enough to thicken the sauce nicely. I like to avoid starch thickeners if possible.
4. Place the strained liquid back on low heat and add the soy sauce and brown sugar and stir until the sugar is dissolved. If you use agave nectar you can do this process off the heat. The sauce should have a nice balance of sweet, salt, sour, and the flavor of the tamarind. If you want it a little sweeter then go for it.
5. Option: if I had my druthers, I would zest and juice the orange into the final sauce for a more vital orange flavor, or just to the portion that I was going to serve with the current dish.

Notes: I suppose you could use something like Splenda or stivia, both of which are much more intensely sweet (so use sparingly). Frankly, I am not a fan of either. But I will continue working with stivia to see if I find something that works. Amazingly, even with this amount of sugar, it is far less percentage-wise than what the labels were saying in the store. If you use agave nectar the glycemic index for this sauce falls dramatically.

Variations on the Vestal Prik

Prik Nam has been the mother sauce of late for most of my culinary adventures because I made about a half gallon of the stuff and I can’t seem to use it all up. It is a very simple sauce that I came back to in the previously written spoof of a bridal shower where the menu included many tasteless prick references that went unnoticed by the ladies attending. My cousin, both the hostess and a female, was rather baffled that such blatant crude references to the male anatomy were lost on the ladies. But she has fallen for this vestal sauce as much as I have. We will follow with the base for a stir fry, salad dressing, grilled salmon marinade and sauce.

For reference purposes we will use this base recipe of ½ C chopped Thai chilies, ½ C chopped ginger, ¼ C chopped onion, ¼ C chopped garlic (these are all chopped about 1/8 inch), 2 C low sodium soy sauce. Place all of the ingredients in a food processor or blender and give it a whip for about 30 seconds, put it in a storage container and let sit in the fridge for 24 hours. The next day add 2 T agave nectar or ¼ C Turbinado sugar or your sweetener of choice to taste. The goal is just enough sweetness to take the edge off the ginger and chilies but not to be too sweet. This is a base sauce that you will add fresh orange juice, lime juice, herbs, and other spicy condiments to later so don’t go overboard. Don’t overcomplicate the Prik!

A good idea is to freeze half of the sauce into ice cube portions for later use. One batch I just left in the fridge and after 5 days I diluted it with a cup or so of water and a bit more sugar since the ginger and heat of the chilies became a bit too powerful. I generally wanted more fresh ginger in my diet and I found this to be a good way to do it.

For a dipping sauce or salad dressing I would add 1T of lime juice or 2 T orange juice and some fresh chopped cilantro or basil.

For stir fry, I add the sauce after the meat or tofu was seared and the veggies were steamed. You can also marinate the meat in the sauce, but when you cook it you will want to watch for the saltiness. I found seasoning the meat with turmeric or cumin before cooking to be a nice earthy balance to the sauce. When finishing your stir fry that is when I add the squeeze of fruit juice and herb of choice like in the dipping sauce.

For the Salmon, I chose some bright red Coho and sockeye. These are a thinner filets, so if you want more salmon flavor choose a thicker filet like king. An Ivory King filet Is a gorgeous presentation, but the stuff is hard to get. I added a pinch of Thai Red curry paste so the sauce and marinated the salmon for about 4 hours. Marinate less if you want, not more, or dilute the sauce with some water so the flavors compliment the salmon. Remember, the marinade will become a glaze on the salmon thus concentrating the flavors. A friend said he used some guava jelly and grilled some chicken this way, but I think he was just getting his freak on. In any case, I will make no actual claims and no lawyers will get involved.

For beef I added lemon grass one time and orange zest another time. When you zest your fruit do it into the sauce or right over the meat. There is a lot of flavor in that spray that really maximize the flavor in a marinade or the finished sauce. You know how good your hands smell when you peel an orange? Also, in my experience, the less you cook the fruit juice the better. I gave the base sauce with a squeeze of orange juice to a friend and she ate it like soup. A revitalizing tonic I guess.

It is a good start for a sweet potato curry. Prik nam is my answer to bad teriyaki sauce and brings fresh flavors to my quick meal plan. Enjoy.

Red Radio and Whole Paycheck

NPR, better known as “red radio” among the conservative world, is a regular part of my information diet. Let it also be understood that I balance this source with a dose of Rush, Mr. Allen bros. beef, Limbaugh. Note that my computer just capitalized his name as I typed this. Maybe Microsoft is a devotee as well. Anyway, I usually laugh about the far right and left opinions that each source opines on any given day. But today I had to stop for a moment and get my reactions down for my sanity.

In a brief story about shopping in the current economic environment, NPR told the story of a retired assistant librarian, an upper middle-class lady, and a poor woman who makes $380 every two weeks and has three kids. My feelings on these three examples starts with the simple fact that the story has been arrange to support the simple sound bite “the rise in food prices really sucks for everybody”.

In one sense it really does suck. Man, I can’t have my Yugu beef tenderloin for breakfast anymore. But maybe mom is right, “this is what America has needed for a while.” I would have to agree. And for simplicity’s sake I will start with the upper middle class lady who now “can’t afford” to shop at whole foods. The Red Reporter starts out her segment with the sound of this woman shopping at her new food store saying “breaded chicken, breaded ______, and breaded ______.” She is peering into the deli case whining about she is not eating organic and shopping at whole foods anymore. Well if you want to go this route you are better off buying kool-aid and stuff off the dollar menu at the local Wendy’s. It is more time effective and you will cover more of the basic food groups. This is where House Cuisine philosophy started, with that menu planning for my sister. Without going back to that first page I am sure I didn’t recommend shopping at the deli counter at a budget food store. Let’s take our upper middle class wench back to eating organic and how you can still go to Whole Foods on OCCASION and pick up a nice piece of Mercury-laden fish. Wait, here is the quote, “I spent $186 at Whole Foods and I didn’t have enough food for three meals.” Quote approximated, but you get the gist.

What the hell was she buying? Are you kidding! They unfortunately didn’t give a list of what she had in the cart at the time. Now I will grant you, the reader, that Whole Paycheck has earned it’s moniker through diligent marketing and a local reputation as a good pickup joint. Since I don’t shop there that often I have taken it upon myself to shop for three meals for a family of four, assuming that they are all dinner. Just to be an asshole, I have shopped for breakfast lunch and dinner for three days at Whole Foods. If the kids don’t like a particular menu item, you are more that welcome to employ the aforementioned stop at Wendy’s for breakfast or lunch or dinner, and you will still be money ahead. Although I hear that the McDonald's and Burger King franchisees are bitching about the dollar menu at the moment.

One gallon of milk, 1 box vanilla soy milk, 1 Box Super Crunchy Granola Cereal, _1# Whole Wheat Organic Pasta, 1 bag cellophane noodles, Big Jars Organic Free Trade No GMO Pasta sauce (carried to market by trucks powered by recycled mule farts), 1 dozen eggs (cage free in Hoboken), 2# ground bison (free range, hormone free, raised by ted turner post Jane Fonda), 4 baking potatoes (wash well, they were raised in organic dirt, aka shit laden), 2 sweet potatoes (or yams) 1 # extra firm tofu (all the basic yadas), 5 various packages of frozen veggies (spinach, sweet corn, stir fry) .5# aged cheddar, 1# steel cut oats, 1# ground flax seed, 1 bag mixed greens (triple washed), 1 jar organic peanut butter, 1 loaf 50 grain colon blow bread, 1 bottle soy sauce, ¼ # ginger, ¼# chilies, 1/# # garlic, 1 small bottle agave nectar (the politics of this product I am still working on). 2 bananas, 2 oranges. 1 small jar of the jelly of your choice (three berry is a good one because it will taste good on your oatmeal), 1 bag potato chips (because I like them), 1 bottle canola oil.

OK.

Breakfast: choose oatmeal with fruit, breakfast cereal, omelet with cheese and toast
Lunch: Italian pasta with sauce, cellophane noodles with veggies and fried tofu in prik nam sauce, tortilla Espanola (Spanish omelet), PBJ, grilled bison salad with ginger/orange dressing, Baked potato stuffed, banana/orange smoothie, fried tofu satay, bison lettuce wraps, bison burgers with cheddar, mashed potatoes, over roasted potatoes, home fries, potatoes Swiss with salad on top, sweet potato curry with tofu, spaghetti and meatballs, meat loaf, meat loaf sandwich, sloppy joes, and on and on.

Dinner: choose two of the previous items that you didn’t have for lunch.

Ya know, if she really wants to make her kids happy and get a great deal and feel like she is helping someone…..work out a trade with an elderly person who gets government cheese every month? Here’s why:

1. Nobody, especially an elderly person, should have 5fivepounds of artery-hardening cheese in their fridge.
2. Gov’t cheese makes the best mac and cheese I know of. We loved it in college.
3. Trade her for $15 worth of healthier food and that has to be better for the elderly diet.
4. Even for my brother’s family of four or my sister’s family of four, do you know how long it takes to burn through five pounds of cheese?
5. Besides mac and cheese, it makes great queso dip, pizza topping, grilled cheese, the list goes on.

The if you want to take this further just ask me for the recipes. In this list I did assume that you have one or two things in your upper middle class pantry. Start in your pantry and make an old family favorite as the base of a meal. One of mine is ham loaf with mashed potatoes. In the end this computer did not ask me to capitalize Jane Fonda or Ted Turner. Very interesting indeed.

Without pretension

Food Rules #5: Make good food without pretension.

One of my fondest memories from my times in the kitchen was being part of a team was cooking a meal for Julia Child. I was fresh out of the CIA (Culinary Institute of America) and working at The Campton Place with a team of talent I was proud to be a part of. Chef Jan Birnbaum was at the helm and upon reflection I would have to say my greatest teacher.
The high priestess of cuisine (and also very tall) Julia Child was coming in to the restaurant and we were all abuzz with foie gras-this and caviar-that we should serve her. “She has this stuff everyday,” Jan said. The main entrée he served was Halibut Fish and Chips in that day's San Francisco Chronicle. She simply loved it, and so it was with this concept.
So my cousin called me to ask about what to do for a bridal party that she was hosting.

“So what do you want to serve? Will it all be cold? Do your guests have a sense of humor?” I asked.

For some reason I remembered my grandmother's dish Yummy Meatballs and we decided to start their with the concept for the menu. But instead we call them Yummy Balls.

“Serve a whole Salami on a platter,” I said. “Or how about some Hot Pockets or little taquitos and call them pocket rockets.”

I thought some oysters on the half shell served with Prosecco (the sparkling wine of love from Venice).

“Prosecco is so sweet,” she said.

There is a Brut version that will be drier. The nice thing about Prosecco is that it has half the atmospheric pressure of Champagne and is a lot easier to drink. Plus it comes in crown cap bottles like beer so you don’t need the fine crystal flutes out for the ladies.

“Meat Sticks,” one could call the Brochettes... Marinated Flank steak on bamboo skewers with a fresh Thai Mak Nam (a Thai dipping sauce)... Macerated Blueberries inside mini Dove ice cream Bars: “Marital Bliss” or “Dr. Freud's.”